People. People are diverse. They quarrel and have differences. People were not made to be exactly alike. Unfortunately, this causes arguements, and, when it comes to the differences in nations, war. The UN was created to minimise this, but when the UN is ignored, nothing gets better. This, again, falls opun the shoulders of people. Are yougoing to ignore what's right because you are heated and know you could win if you held out long enough? Are you going to shoot off your mouth (or your gun) because that is easier at the time then sitting down and facing the conflict? Who is the better man: The one who sits back, or the one who fights for his beliefs? What if sitting back meant you saved thousands of lives? Would you still do it? Or would you take up your pride and bring a nation desperate for what is right to war because "That is the only option." People make changes, but sometimes the change needs to be the people.

It's funny, I have this conversation with people all the time. I prefer to eat organic or at least all natural products. Durring the summer, my immune system gets really weak and I fight this off my eating almost nothing but fruits, vegitables, hard boiled eggs, and such. For dinner I eat home made meals based around healthy foods. Of course, this year its a bit different. I'm a starving artist in college so my choices of food intake are somewhat stifled b the prices of things and my inability to pay in anything but nickels and dimes.

However, I have been able to keep up my good diet and I hope I can remain doing so.

Every once in a while during the day I take time to clear my mind and gain focus. I don't know how youre supposed to get anything done correctly if your mind is jumbled and preoccupied with several different topics of interest. When I do something, I give my 100%, and if half of me is worrying about something else, that means I'm not doing my job to m standard. So I like to take time in my day to refocus my thoughts, gain concetration, and just breathe. So actually, though my life is almost always hectic beyond the realm of believability, I can handle everything just fine, and I am at peace a lot.

For instance, last night I went out with a bunch of my friends, right? My Ex-boyfriend popped up and kinda put my current boyfriend in a really bad mood, and me as well. Well, I sat back, realized I had no control over the conversation, was as pleasant and humanly possible, and I just let it go. Phil had a bigger problem doing that, and I had to let that go too, but I got it done. I was at peace and I had a pleasant time. Untill my ankle swelled up. Now I have something else entirely to worry about. But I'm going to bare it and just move on.

It's really a great way to live. Hakuna Matata.

This question seems rediculous after a week of being surrounded by people all the time: I was camping. How do I respond to being alone? I relax, I find peace, I connect with my center, I get focussed, I become open and I let myself go. I practice inhibition, I learn, I read, I write, I paint, I sing lound to absolutely nothing just to make sure I CAN.

Have you ever felt like you are missing something wonderful, but can't for the life of you put your finger on it. Of course you probably have, but I feel I am missing out on something that would make me happy. I know this will sound insane, but I feel like I am missing a big part of Love. Which is rediculus if you think about it. I'm not actually missing anything, I have the love I need. I have someone who is very good to me and who challenges me in all the right ways. I have parents who love me and friends who care for me. So I should be good, right? Of course I should. So why is it that I'm not? I find myself unsatisfied and I don't know why. I find myself thinking of more, wanting more, and I don't know why. I love the person I am with, I should leave it at that. So why can't I?

The thing is, there is nothing I'm actually missing. He and I talk and we spend time together and we go out and we like the same books and movies. So why on EARTH can't I just be okay. He's already done so much for me, it sounds atrocious to me that I would say, "Hey, this isn't good enough for me." So of course nothing has really been said. I mean, he knows somethings wrong and I keep pushing him to what I think would make me happy, so he's not completely in the dark, but honestly? I don't even know what would make me happy right now.

When I first got to know Phil, I was with someone else. Someone I was afraid to break up with. So Phil and I had what I like to call an emotional love affair. We didn't actually et together, we just talked on the phone. We ended up talking ourselves into love. To me, nothing could be so romantic. Nothing could be so beautiful as having someone love me without needing to have me physically there. But now we are always together. Now, our love is tangible. Not saying that's a bad thing, I love having him hold me while we're watching a movie or something. One of my favorite things in the world is when he kisses me on the forehead.

I don't want to rewind time, and I don't want to have exactly what we had before. So what exactly am I searching for?

What are you doing?




Why?


How many times have I cought myself doing things just because I can, or because of someone else? How many times have I cought myself doing nothing just becasue I could, or because of someone else. Reminding myself that I need to constantly be working and for good reasons makes my life go A LOT simpler. What am I doing? Why?

Well, Yesterday I played a game of chess and the day before that I played Battleship and the day before that I played Croquet and swam. The day before that I learned to play Croquet.

The way I see it, life isn't worth living seriously. I mean, you only get one shot at it, right? And if you believe in reicarnation, then you get this one to live this time. You don't remember the last life you had, do you? Point is, I plan on enjoying myself as much as I can. Life is serious enough. I'm not going to be the one to drag it down and make it boring. We couldn't have been put here to be boring. I just don't see that at all. You know? Unless you believe in evolution. You try to explain to me why I'm here then, I haven't heard the evolutionists theory on reason of existence other then natural selection. Which I guess is explanation enough to you guys, so I'll take it.

But does that mean you HAVE to be serious? I don't believe that at all. If anything, that should give you a free-er reign.

Anyways, I like to have fun and I think you should too.

I prefer to think all the time.

Books. Literature. Reading. Words. I recently got a few really good books and I've dived into them whole-heartedly. One that has especially caught my attention is the book The Bomb. Read it. Love it. I do.

I think the written word is something to be excited about all the time, though. It is the very thing our worlds have been built off of. Before TV, before movies, before detailed pictures, there were word. Words in pictures before that, but still words. There was a way to communicate and I find that all absolutely beautiful.

There is something about the written word that excites me beyond the excitement flesh could incite within me.

Books.Litterature. Reading. Words.

That and a $5 per paper bag of books deal tomorow.

I think I costantly risk everything. Relationships, my life, my sanity. I get nored easily and so I stir things up. Nothing bad has ever happened when I do this. I mean, it all turns out fine, but I like to be reckless sometimes. All the time.

But serioously, taking risks is what I'm all about. YOu never know your limits unless you test them. You never know all your options untill you test them. You never are 100% sure of your own oppinion until you test it. Want to make sure your friends are really there for you? Test them and we'll see which ones back you up and love you anyways. Want to know how smart you actually are? Get into something and then think your way out.

"Revolution, Justice, Screaming For Solutions,
Forcing Changes, Risk, And Danger
Making Noise And Making Pleas"

Lines from RENT. All of these things go together. IN order to figure anything out, in order to make changes, you need to risk a little. The more your willing to risk, the better. The more your willing to disrupt, the better. If I change, so will the things around me. It might not be for the better, but it's a risk I'm constantly willing to take.