desire
July 2008 
The Quest for Nothing in Particular
Posted on Jun 6th, 2008
by 
Kimazing
Kimazing
Have you ever felt like you are missing something wonderful, but can't for the life of you put your finger on it. Of course you probably have, but I feel I am missing out on something that would make me happy. I know this will sound insane, but I feel like I am missing a big part of Love. Which is rediculus if you think about it. I'm not actually missing anything, I have the love I need. I have someone who is very good to me and who challenges me in all the right ways. I have parents who love me and friends who care for me. So I should be good, right? Of course I should. So why is it that I'm not? I find myself unsatisfied and I don't know why. I find myself thinking of more, wanting more, and I don't know why. I love the person I am with, I should leave it at that. So why can't I?
The thing is, there is nothing I'm actually missing. He and I talk and we spend time together and we go out and we like the same books and movies. So why on EARTH can't I just be okay. He's already done so much for me, it sounds atrocious to me that I would say, "Hey, this isn't good enough for me." So of course nothing has really been said. I mean, he knows somethings wrong and I keep pushing him to what I think would make me happy, so he's not completely in the dark, but honestly? I don't even know what would make me happy right now.
When I first got to know Phil, I was with someone else. Someone I was afraid to break up with. So Phil and I had what I like to call an emotional love affair. We didn't actually et together, we just talked on the phone. We ended up talking ourselves into love. To me, nothing could be so romantic. Nothing could be so beautiful as having someone love me without needing to have me physically there. But now we are always together. Now, our love is tangible. Not saying that's a bad thing, I love having him hold me while we're watching a movie or something. One of my favorite things in the world is when he kisses me on the forehead.
I don't want to rewind time, and I don't want to have exactly what we had before. So what exactly am I searching for?
The thing is, there is nothing I'm actually missing. He and I talk and we spend time together and we go out and we like the same books and movies. So why on EARTH can't I just be okay. He's already done so much for me, it sounds atrocious to me that I would say, "Hey, this isn't good enough for me." So of course nothing has really been said. I mean, he knows somethings wrong and I keep pushing him to what I think would make me happy, so he's not completely in the dark, but honestly? I don't even know what would make me happy right now.
When I first got to know Phil, I was with someone else. Someone I was afraid to break up with. So Phil and I had what I like to call an emotional love affair. We didn't actually et together, we just talked on the phone. We ended up talking ourselves into love. To me, nothing could be so romantic. Nothing could be so beautiful as having someone love me without needing to have me physically there. But now we are always together. Now, our love is tangible. Not saying that's a bad thing, I love having him hold me while we're watching a movie or something. One of my favorite things in the world is when he kisses me on the forehead.
I don't want to rewind time, and I don't want to have exactly what we had before. So what exactly am I searching for?
Access: Public
if you sense something is missing and he senses something is missing…maybe something is. And it may never be resolved. Longing for something can be OK….it keeps you moving. It might just be the agitation the oyster feels from the sand as it's producing a pearl. I have a feeling though…what you're yearning for will surface soon.